Late Regrets

The first time i met him is when we've been introduce by my grand mother. well, he is my family weather i confused to talk about from where its began. He is only 18 and I just turn into 17. I found some place in his heart that I really comfort with, i guess i was falling love to a pieces when i recognize him as my brother. but I like him though, he is really toughed person but soft inside. He always act like my true brother, time has pass me by and he's gone for some reason. He had to face his own live alone without someone insist him to stay and keep trying. I thought that I am the only reason why he decided to leave. When my grand mother still alive, she always compare me to him. she said that he should learn a thing from me, i felt that its too much for him. He ain't graduate from his school because he is trouble man, but he also have no one to lean on cause of complexity of the family dynasty.
Pour you brother, when i was with him i feel someone could protect me and love me gently without cost a thing. when i was in cold he hug me like i will freeze if he didn't do it. i was happy and feel awkward, but he gave me something inside.
he always laugh in front of me, but he actually crying when he's alone. I wish i could do something, I wish i would say that everything gonna be just fine, I wish i said I always be there for you. but those word never came out from my mouth. when he's gone I just can stare at him and say nothing. I was afraid if I say something and yelling his name my grand mother will felt guilty. We just like two little boys who's always playing and growing together, but suddenly we had to be separated. Does it Ironic? I felt alone that time and find someone who's really connect with me but he had to be far away from me.
But Now I found you again, I will expressed what i feeling and told you that i missed you. I would tell you that I was Loved you without ashamed or fear. But Now, Everything was change. I still love you but I hate my self you became like this. You said you still trying to find your selves but never asking me How' doing with me...I hope you never hates me Brother. I love the way you are..I do supported you what ever you will do. but tell me that you still loving me. I pray for your goodness and luck!!!

To: A' Wandi